Welcome to a way out, Walkman-melting, battery-draining hit parade of teen comedy soundtrack cuts assembled by Mike “McBeardo” McPadden, author of TEEN MOVIE HELL: A Crucible of Coming-of-Age Comedies from Animal House to Zapped! This is your Teen Movie Hell mixtape, crank and use extremely unwisely!

Hey man, is that jock rock? Crank it up! Billy Squier’s signature AOR funk rock is muscled up in Fast Times at Ridgemont High’s often overshadowed football sequence by marching band horns, creating an equally overlooked booming, ass-beating anthem. Matched brilliantly to on-screen edits, Billy’s big beats provide rousing accompaniment to the infuriated Charles Jefferson (Forrest Whittaker) as he assassinates Lincoln High players all over the gridiron.

Note that Billy’s “Fast Times” is just one of the movie’s two official theme songs, the other being the properly commissioned “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” by Sammy Hagar. “Somebody’s Baby” by Jackson Browne effectively superseded both of them and came to be the movie’s musical calling card both on the pop charts and in the public consciousness.

Fortunately, there’s infinite room on this mixtape for every wild-maned, guitar-humping, early-MTV pretty-boy barnstormer. Stay tuned!

Shake the back-to-school autumn blues by blasting the Teen Music Hell playlist and skip algebra to read TEEN MOVIE HELL:

TEEN MOVIE HELL: A Crucible of Coming-of-Age Comedies from Animal House to Zapped!, by Mike “McBeardo” McPadden

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